No time, no time

You know, when people say that having kids changes your life forever, they are not joking.

I absolutely LOVE my babies - both of them. They are amazing in ways that I cannot describe, which is a funny feat, being as how neither really "talks" yet, both wear diapers and cry for lots of things. It's just that I am so pooped!

I don't know how some women do it. My mother for example - had two kids, my brother and myself (he was 3, I was newborn), was working AND going to school at the same time, being single (was married, husband ran off). HOW DO YOU DO THIS? Then of course I work with women who are not married but have kids. I know that they utilize day care, but they kill themselves to pay for it! So pricey!

I feel in some ways like I am in a prison - being at home - because I am no hobbit. I have an adventurous spirit like a lot of people and want to DO things in life, but now kids seem to put things on hold. I mean, I still work, though I am on maternity leave right now, but there were other things I did/was involved with before I had my daughter, and now my son, that don't do anymore. I don't see anybody really.

Going to the grocery store is a treat.

The only way I see this situation improving is to become independently wealthy utilizing a marketable skill and push through those pesky barriers such as breast feeding, burping, constant diaper changes, etc...lol. If only...hehe

Then I remind myself - this stage isn't forever. I had forgotten how much a newborn is dependent on mommy. Mommy need be on hand every moment for baby needs. My daughter is not yet two, and though she needs almost a constant eye, at least I can get housework done with her nearby - my son, 3 1/2 weeks old, is not so independent (to say the least). But it's over so fast....Everybody who has a kid also says to enjoy every moment of this time, even though right now I am fantasizing about them getting older - so if they were right about the life changing thing, I should  heed their advice on this end too I suppose, and enjoy every moment with my little snuggle buddy. :)

Our house - no updates. We received something like a preliminary HUD, and our real estate agent says closing should be by the 17th. It's scary - buying your first house. I've never been tied down anywhere, so to own a home in my hometown feels a bit suffocating to me. Still, with two little ones and family this close by, how could I pass this up? It feels right, even though it's scary (does that even make sense?). I'm sure I am making sense. We always think no one understand our situations or how we're feeling, but I think that really, we all think and feel very much alike, and it's some sick ploy by the ultimate enemy that wants us to feel so segregated and alone in our mind and emotions....

hmm...

Well, believe it or not, I found the time to make some baked chicken, so I am typing on borrowed time here...Gotta go!

*Sigh*

Waiting patiently now to hear about this house, but, Brian and I are now also considering other options if this deal does not make it through.

Our options? Think "Texas."

Brian is from Texas. Yes, it is a big state, and he's lived in both east (Victoria) and west (Odessa) Texas. Personally, the only way you would get me to west Texas is to knock me out and drag me there, but east Texas I am all for. I've lived in Texas (outside Dallas) before actually.

The thing is, we are ready for a change. Well, I think I am more than Brian. He has been working on a raise at work (we both just got a raise, but with our jobs, there are different levels, and when he challenges up, he'll be due for another one). Me? I get tired of one place for too long. My kids are going to need stability, so wherever we move will be semi-permanent. It's funny, the only reason we moved where we currently live is to be closer to family, but if we move to Tx, we won't be near family really at all. I  mean, Brian has family in Victoria, but we would not move there - we'd live in either Austin, San Antonio, or Dallas. More than likely Austin or Dallas.

We've discussed moving to Texas even before investing in this home up here in PA. The thing is, we want a back up plan - and I am all for new adventure.

Uprooting to a new state with unfamiliar surroundings is a tall order, but at least it's not a foreign country. Also, people in Texas are nicer (well, more neighborly). As a Pennsylvanian (outside Philly), I can say with upmost confidence that most Texans I know are very welcoming.

*sigh*

We'll see what happens.... 

Life is totally different with two children - in diapers - vying for your upmost attention...

I absolutely LOVE my kids, but sometimes nap times don't come quickly enough!

Antibiotic

Well baby visits today. Both children. My daughter has an ear infection and a heart murmur. *sigh*

The heart murmur is nothing to be concerned about. I mean, they are relatively common in kids, and actually, I just learned today through my mother that heart murmurs run in our family. Go figure.

The ear infection stinks, because she is now back on the antibiotic, but at least now she is taking it via the big girl "medicine spoon" (you know, the spoon that has the measurements on it).

My son is AOK. His thrush is all but gone, which is awesome.

Both of my kids are in the middle percentile for weight (a good thing, because I was worried about my daughter's weight, but maybe she is just a string bean like her daddy). And they are both in the high percentile range for length/height (I have height in my family, my husband isn't really that tall, but his relatives have height).

It's just exciting to see the little people your kids become - and then they become BIG people. It's interesting transformation.

We have a little bit of news about the house, but should know more tomorrow (we've been waiting for the seller's bank to approve monies for this house, which is a short sale, and it's a taxing experience!)...

OK...I am at home by myself with two babies...No more time to putz around on the computer...

Nystatin

I swear, little boy and I are having all sorts of crazy adventures this pregnancy (as opposed to me and my first, who was easy pregnancy, easy birth...Well, easy compared to little boy!).

Our next adventure is Thrush. My toddler had thrush while nursing, but it went away on its own and was never that bad (I started brushing her tongue). Little boy got it quickly, and it was stubborn. So stubborn was the thrush, that I wasn't sure if it actually WAS thrush, or merely breastmilk caked on the tongue (it was THICK). So Saturday we started using nystatin 4 x's a day (2cc's each time via syringe in his mouth). It is HARD to give your newborn liquid anything. All parents know this. Little girl had a hard time with her antibiotic when she got her ear infection. Elijah (my son) is doing surprisingly well with it, and the thrush looks all cleared up already (thank God). Still using it, however. Pediatrician also prescribed Nystatin cream for me, though I have not been having the pain or soreness from him nursing. I hate lathering that crap on. It smells like cheap cologne, and I can't imagine what it tastes like for him. I am supposed to use it 3 x's a day, but I only put it on twice a day (morning and night). Three times doctor? Really? YOU try lathering a gross cream on your breasts three times a day, wearing nursing bras and nursing your baby throughout the day. Yuck.

Well, I am a slave to nursing, so I better get back to my day job...

we have a new baby :)

Tuesday night/Wednesday early morning marked beginning of labor...

Sort of...

They weren't contractions like with #1, but they also were not braxton hicks. The doctor wasn't sure she wanted to admit me over the phone, but said I should come in if I had concerns. BEing that these were regular progressive contractions, this was my second child and the fact that I live about 45 minutes away from the hospital, I told her I would be coming in. The least they could do is check me out and tell me I am not ready, but when I got there, they admitted me. 

Thing is, I wasn't progressing as fast as the doctor wanted me to progress. I was having contractions, but they didn't feel as if they were progressing any longer (though they were still frequent and "real" contractions). So I get the options of having them break my water or giving me Pitocin first. Of course I let them break my water. There was baby poo in it, which warrented NICU nurses to come down when I went into transition labor so that they would be there to suction little baby boy when he comes out to make sure he didn't get any of that poo in his lungs...

My water now broken, I am experiencing increase in contration frequency and strength, but still not dilated as much as doc wanted me to be. Thus brings us to the Pitocin. Up until now I had been handling the contractions very well I think, but knowing they wanted to give me pitocin made me immediately want to opt for an epidural. Of course I asked for it, and just in time too, as the anesthesiologist had to go to a C-section in 45 minutes. This is where all my trouble began! Well, actually all my trouble happened when I agreed to the Pitocin, but this was all a snowballing situation.

HE comes in to stick me in the epidural space on my spine and misses multiple times. Of course he keeps jacking my back up with lidocain, which isn't the problem, the problem is that he can't find what he's looking for. He finally gets it in there SOMEWHERE and then tells me "it isn't in exactly the right place, so it may or may not work." Great, thanks doctor....

Guess what. It no workie. Pitocin is running in and I am practically dying from this horrendous pain. Good news is, the pitocin worked. It worked rather quickly, as two hours after it began going in (and after the "botched" epidural), I went from 5cm to ready for action....Well, not quite. The pressure got to be so strong though, and the pain with it, that I screamed (I don't scream in pain. I screamed). But if you REALLY want to get hospital workers into a room, you have to scream "I HAVE TO PUSH NOW!!" That'll draw everybody within shouting distance into your room. 

I was only 8 cm, but 5 contractions later (a torturous amount of time) I was ready to go. It didn't take that long. This being my second child, thank God one part of the labor didn't take forever. I actually had two doctors in there. My OB doctor, and a doctor that I work with (a bit embarrassing to have people you work with see you in such a state of distress, but you can't help it)...Baby out, placenta out. Thank God. I tore again, but not hardly as much as with my first. Stitches hurt though...Everybody in that room knew that my epidural wasn't working. They said I am part of the natural child birth club now. I disagree. Natural childbirth does not involved multiple spinal injections and infusion of pitocin. blah...

So they get me cleaned up and over to post partum, where I first discover that I am suffering from a massive headache that is only relieved by laying down. That's right ladies and gentlemen - turns out mr. anesthesiologist went a little further than necessary and my spinal fluid was now leaking. Now, I don't deal with the spine too often in my line of work, but I know enough to know that this isn't extremely uncommon with spinal procedures, however, it IS uncommon with epidurals, because essentially you are not accessing that area with an epidural. 

Anyway - nurses and doctors are not sure that this is the result of my epidural (hellOOOO??), but one nurse offers to get an anesthesiologist in to talk with me about my concerns. Turns out this doc came to the unit, read my chart, determined my headache wasn't spinal in nature, wrote his own note, and left the unit - without talking with me! I told the nurse my concerns later, and she thought he had, as she saw that he wrote a note on me. Finally the next nurse got one who was on call to come and look at my chart and talk to me. HE believed it was spinal in nature and decided I should have a blood patch in the AM. I had never heard of a blood patch, but as it turns out, it's like an epidural, but they take out about 20ccs of your blood and put it in the epidural space to clot off the leak and to begin to restore that pressure balance in the spine. SOMETHING like that anyway....

SO I had ANOTHER anesthesiologist do the blood patch. I have had my fill of epidurals, let me tell you! The patch worked, but not immediately, as it does with a lot of people. On top of that, I now had major back pain, thanks to my spine being a pin cushion over a period of three days...This earned me a discharge medication order of Percocet. Of course I had it filled, but took one or two with no relief. I just took Motrin. It was working before, it continued to work after I tried the percocet. 

Many lessons learned this time around.

First of all - as a woman, my body was built to handle lots of stressors, including labor. I was doing absolutely fine, progressing at a tolerable rate of pain through my contractions, until I agreed to the pitocin. Of course that led to my decision for the epidural, which ultimately turned out not so great for me.

Secondly - narcotics are not better than OTC drugs for any ache/pain. I could have told you this before (as a nurse), but from the patient side, believe me. Tylenol, motrin...Take these OTC drugs with respect, because they alter your body, and can work wonders. 

and lastly - birthing plan is important. Write down everything you want before hand (including plans for if things don't go exactly how you planned it) because you will not be thinking clearly the day of.

Well, that was all a week ago. I have a healthy baby boy right now, who is a mighty fine eater, and likes to sleep lots and lots. He's very different than my daughter, but differences can be a good thing.

As far as I am concerned, my back feels much better, I have no headaches anymore (no spinal headaches anyway), and am only dealing with the usual post partum issues.

Keep us in your prayers. We are dealing with a lot here at home - also still trying to buy this house. We should hear something this week apparently. *sigh*

We have baby!

This was one of the best, most difficult experiences of my life - and I am way too tired to write about it now... Will save this wild experience for full mental faculties.

But, praise the Lord, our beautiful baby boy came into this world Pearl Harbor Day (December 7th) at noon time! Happy and healthy :)

Due to the frequency and increasing intensity of contractions, Brian and I are headed to the hospital so that I may get checked out. I am not sure what to expect. This is just different. We'll see!

Finally some action!

Nothing definitive, just the loss of a mucus plug and more "intense" false contractions. False contractions are still exciting, because at least your body is doing SOMETHING. Mucus plug loss could mean anything - could mean a couple weeks (I REALLY hope not), could mean a day, who knows? I lost my mucus plug with my daughter a day or two before labor started, but this time around could be way different. Who really knows? I feel as if in the next few days I'll be holding a baby in my arms (a new one), so we'll have to wait and see :)

Two days until due date (which also just happens to be Pearl Harbor Day). *sigh* I just really, really wish that this baby would come already!

Actually, I am just annoyed. I am very annoyed, tired of being pregnant, tired of being fat, tired of barely being able to bend over without pain or discomfort. Pregnancy is not cute, it's annoying. Sure, it's exciting. I am very excited to meet little Jr., but I strongly dislike being pregnant. I am thankful that I have a healthy baby girl already, thankful that I have a healthy baby boy on the way, thankful that my body is able to carry babies - and I don't mean to be ungrateful, but this is really not fun anymore. It's fun when people find out, it's fun when people go "aww" over your little baby bump - and the anticipation of the future is fun - but NOT the bulging belly, unable to get comfortable, unable to do this, can't do that restrictions....Then the waiting and worrying - wondering what "this time" is going to be like. I am due in 2 days and as uncomfortable as I am, this baby does not feel ready to make an appearance yet! Argh....So unless this pregnancy is way different than my pregnancy with my daughter and labor comes like a thief in the night (as opposed to labor with her which was long in coming and I knew I was going to have her that weekend), it'll be days for all I know.....

Well, good for him to put a little more poundage on - Stay comfortable as long as you can Jr., I know this process is as traumatizing for you as it is for me, but we'll get through it together, and then we'll have each other! Can't wait to meet you!

Still nothing new about the house. I wish this wasn't all I was posting about lately, but these few things are all I can think about - baby, house......big things...........and both things I am having to wait a seemingly LOOOONG time for.

*sigh* Hopefully will have something more interesting to post about soon!

I've decided it's time to start my home stay with baby. I am still pregnant, but my days are ridiculous. Yesterday for example, I was having contractions all day and my pelvis was very sore (Braxton Hicks contractions...nothing regular yet) and yet today I am very mobile. I called to say I wouldn't be in tomorrow (because I am technically not allowed to start maternity leave until the day I wrote on my paper, I have to use my PTO). Who knows what tomorrow will be like. Right now I am not in pain, but the baby is doing weird things down there. I'd hate to be tending my patients only to then go into labor or become indisposed because my body won't function at normal capacity and have to leave the unit. It's difficult for them to pull somebody - so I called earlier today to say "I'm not coming in tomorrow!" Will not come in Sunday either -  I may or may not have a baby at that time, and even so, same reasoning as to why I am not going in tomorrow.

..In some ways, I am glad the birth of my first wasn't like this. Everything was pretty clear with her. I went in to the triage twice, the first time I knew I wasn't in labor, but my doctor wanted me to be checked out because of bloody show (it really was just a mucus plus)...The second time I called it was late at night and I knew it was time - regular, 90 second contractions for an hour (the husband and I laid there and timed them), and surely enough they admitted me. I had her 6 days early.

This time around, who knows. This pregnancy has been different. I didn't have as much morning sickness, but I've also had a lot of heart burn, and I am carrying differently than with baby #1. Also, it is 6 days pre due date and I don't feel like death yet. I felt pretty poorly 3 days before I delivered last time, and wanted her out of me!

Maybe this time around it won't be as painful? :) That would be nice. Maybe this time around my water will actually break (In spite of dilating 4cm and having contractions, my water didn't break naturally with baby girl... They had to "hook" me, or rupture the membrane).

He's sitting really funny right now. I can feel him in my pelvis, but my belly is still bulging low. Though he isn't moving a lot throughout the day, just a half an hour ago he was kicking and shuffling around like crazy!

We still don't have a name yet, and one of the top names on our list was just taken by a friend who had a baby boy in Tulsa. lol. Of course that wouldn't stop us from naming him "that name" if the name suits him, but we do have a list of around 7 or 8 name that we really like, so we'll see!

Off topic, but if you are a person of prayer, please pray for my siblings, as they both have job interviews this week! Exciting!

OK, I am off to slumber land. Goodnight world.

I wonder if Jr. is going to hold out for Pearl Harbor Day (his due date). *sigh*

...feeling crampy....

Still pregnant...

Man...I thought I was going to go soon!

I guess I still might. Today (this morning) I was really dragging. I think I have to call out this weekend. I just cannot work effectively...

We'll see. I hate to take PTO, but I may have to, as I don't want to officially start maternity leave until my "due date."

Tomorrow is 6 days until the predicted due date. I went 6 days early with my first, but I suppose you cannot really tell. As they say, "every pregnancy is different."

Still, I was dragging today. Really badly. No comfort, poor sleep. I need some time with the husband this weekend so that we can tag team the baby and the house together, before I become slave mommy to new little baby and have no time for anything!

Things are slowly moving along with the seller's bank. We have papers they need us to sign, which is a good thing (I think). We already have our mortgage - it all rests solely on the seller's bank moving things along before Brian and I can start nesting into our new abode!